Articles

Would you hit a colleague? Shout at someone who'd made a mistake? Would you refuse to work with someone who was black, female or pregnant? Jokingly call someone names? Withhold information? Join in gossip or office banter? You may answer 'no', but think back over the last six months, is your conscience crystal clear? One in ten employees think they have been bullied in the last six months. Nationally, that's over 2.5 million people. Someone out there is harassing staff at work and it could be happening at yours.

Last year British Employment Tribunals dealt with over twenty-eight thousand discrimination claims, but not everyone takes their case to an ET, some go on long term sick leave. Over 72% of targets of bullying say they suffered stress and a survey by a long-term disability insurer found that claims for compensation arising from mental health problems had increased by 90% in the last five years. Doing nothing, in your business, is not an option.

What is harassment?

Harassment can be thought of as any unwanted behaviour that a person finds intimidating, upsetting, embarrassing, humiliating or offensive. The focus of all related legislation, the Sex Discrimination, Race Relations, Disability Discrimination and Protection from Harassment Acts and Regulations, lies in the impact of the behaviour on the recipient.

A survey in 2000, reported that withholding information, which affected a person's performance, had been experienced by nearly half of all employees. Other 'negative' behaviours, which can be cited as harassment, involved having opinions and views ignored, being given tasks with unreasonable targets/deadlines, and being exposed to unmanageable workloads. These may be the symptoms of escalating conflict between a manager and an employee or team, but many managers pass the blame on to the organisation itself.

Is the organisation's culture to blame?

Harassment can be inherent in the way an organisation does business. Rewarding 'tough' managers with promotion or performance bonuses is something often bemoaned by their abused staff. Most employees can work with tough deadlines now and again, but their perception of how they are set, how much control they have over their work and the kind of rewards that are in place, can make the difference between feeling harassed and willingly making an effort.

In a UNISON survey, 90% of people said that the fact that bullies can get away with it was a major factor in the prevalence of bullying behaviour, and people were scared to report it. This may be a widely held belief based on little evidence but seen as 'fact' by staff, so it's difficult to counteract unless an organisation is publicly seen to be doing something. 

What effect does harassment have?

The laws on harassment focus on how a person feels about the behaviour that took place and the effects can be many. Symptoms include anger, anxiety, depression, withdrawal and problems concentrating. Targets often report a lack of confidence and complain of stomach upsets or seemingly minor illnesses. 

However, there may actually be a lower rate of absenteeism because they are afraid of giving their persecutor more ammunition with which to harass them. They can become anxious about being branded 'not up to the job' and having their standing within the organisation undermined. 

Charlotte Rayner's research in1998, found that a quarter of those subjected to bullying at work left their employment, as did one in five of those who had witnessed it. Some stay on to fight for an apology or even vengeance, but many put up and shut up often destroying their personal lives in the process. Rayner found that the longer bullying went on, the less likely that there would be a satisfactory outcome. In fact, 84% of those questioned said that the bully had done it before, and three quarters said management knew this. If this is true, managers are failing in their duty of care towards their employees. Doing nothing is collusion and makes you liable. 

Who are the harassers?

It's hard to generalise about the types of people who bully or harass at work. It's reported that about three-quarters are managers, some feel threatened by their subordinate's knowledge, creativity etc., but some do it because they can or because they are inflexible, opinionated or stressed themselves. 

What are the signs?

Ignore the signs at your peril - people leaving, grapevine gossip, drops in productivity, sickness, people asking to be moved, all hint at an underlying problem. Find out what it is. Do exit interviews, back to work interviews, monitor performance and sickness, talk to people informally, but treat it seriously, take appropriate action and monitor. 

I investigated a case last year where two people had made allegations of bullying against their senior manager. An informal chat was had with the manager, but nothing else done. They both later went off sick with stress as the manager found more covert ways of undermining them. The investigation cost thousands of pounds and much heartache, which could have been averted by monitoring the situation. Both complainants resigned and their years of experience and knowledge were lost to the organisation, who had to recruit and train newcomers and were lucky not to be sued for constructive dismissal and compensation. 

What can you do about it?

Targets who stand up to their harassers straightaway, are likely to nip the problem in the bud. Research has shown that telling the harasser their behaviour is unacceptable within two weeks of it first happening is most likely to stop it. Leave it longer than that, and the target's self-confidence is quickly eroded and they may need help. Managers and personnel people must deal with harassment promptly to avoid the permanent breakdown of working relationships. 

Whatever the size of your company, you can reduce the incidence of unacceptable behaviour by having a widely broadcast statement, explicitly stating that harassment will not be tolerated, giving examples of bad behaviour and its consequences, and emphasising that everyone is responsible for their own acts. It is crucial to have a process for dealing with it, which is explained to staff, and is enforced and monitored. 

In my years as an investigator, I have seen so many cases that could have been avoided if action had been taken early, if targets or managers had had that difficult conversation to say 'what you just did was unacceptable'. A lot of harassers don't intend to hurt people and would be mortified to think that they had, a quiet word and an apology might avoid escalation. Some harassers do intend to hurt and undermine, and an early warning that their behaviour has been spotted and the consequences should they continue, is enough to stop them in their tracks. What is important is that everyone, not just managers and personnel, takes action when behaviour is unacceptable.

Quick guide to action

Target:

1.      Decide what outcome you really want

2.      Stand up to the harasser and address their behaviour promptly and assertively if you are able

3.      Tell a manager or personnel officer

4.      You can always leave - it may be better for your mental health in the long run to completely remove yourself from harm's way than to either grin and bear it or fight for an apology.

Organisation:

1.      Take harassment seriously

2.      Have a clear policy

3.      Tell people about it regularly

4.      Demonstrably implement the policy - be seen to take action

5.      Monitor the policy and the organisation as a whole to spot trouble before it escalates

6.      Audit the process

7.      Act on feedback

Individual responsibilities:

1.      You are responsible for your behaviour in any given situation

2.      Notice the effect you have on others

3.      Apologise if you upset someone, even if you didn't mean to

4.      Change your behaviour - be flexible in the way you deal with different people and different situations

5.      If you are accused of harassment, take note of what is said, go away and review your behaviour, and calmly think through your responsibilities in order to respond.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And a fun article she was recently asked to write for a relationship website using NLP techniques for her top 10 tips...

Staying Happily Together

You know how when you meet someone new everything is exciting and you look for things you have in common, things you like about them, get to learn their little idiosyncrasies and the things that may make them potential lovers, friends and lifelong partners! 

Why then, when you have been dating for a while or living together for some time, do you start to get annoyed with their faults, hacked off with their idiosyncrasies, or complacent? You can probably come up with a myriad of reasons why your relationship is no longer sparkling and it’s probably all their fault!

But ask yourself, do you still look for things you have in common or things that separate you?

Are you still learning about them or do you think you know everything already? Have they changed from the attentive, adoring, generous person that initially attracted you or have you? Were you wrong then when you fell in love?

Here are my top ten tips for staying happily together.

2.      Look for the best in them each day and give them the best of you. Notice when they’ve done something good and compliment them, not just the things that irritate followed by a nagging session. A genuine compliment about something you like them doing guides them the in right direction. And don’t wait to do something nice for them, go first! 

3.      Remember the best time you made love together. Remember as many details as you can – what you saw, the sounds, the feelings…spend some time reliving the moment and immerse yourself in the feelings it brings back. Fill your body from head to toe with those pleasurable sensations. Then call them/talk to them/jump into bed! 

4.      Do something different. If you see that look on their face, which you recognise as meaning you’ve done something wrong or they want an argument, you could jump into the same old patterns of behaviour and get defensive or give them an argument back, or, you could try something new. Take a deep breath. Relax those facial and shoulder muscles and consciously loosen any tension in your stomach…and breathe. Make eye contact. Listen to what they’re saying. Ask a question to clarify their point. Tell them you’re sorry if something you’ve done has upset them. See it from their point of view. Physically move to a different position. Maintain an even tone of voice…go on, think up some more ways you can react differently next time and see how much better you can experience the situation.

5.      Share a laugh. Show them that funny email that came round today. Watch a stand up comedian you both like. Play a childish game. Look out for the quirky things - from odd shaped vegetables to silly mistakes, and share them with each other. Two people laughing can really generate amazing endolphins to swim around your body and make you both feel great. 

6.      Relax and be yourself and let them be him/herself too. After all, when you got together you liked each other, didn’t you! Stop trying to be something you’re not and forcing them to be something they’re not too. Relax and let yourself shine. 

7.      Be happy in yourself. Behaviour breeds behaviour as they say. If you want to be happy together, you’ve got to start with yourself. If you feel great, it’s infectious. Like those people whose sudden entrance at a party makes it start to swing – they’re fun to be around. Nobody likes the mood-hoovers who’ll suck the very life force out of you! So do things to make you happy, energised and fun to be around. For example: exercise; learn something new; remember a time when you were together and felt absolutely fabulous; tell yourself you’re happy and lucky instead of grumbling about the worst; wear your best clothes on an ordinary day…take a little risk. What can you do today to make yourself feel happier? 

The more you start thinking about how happily you want to be together the more ways you can find to start cherishing your relationship again. I found that when I started learning about Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) in the 1990s I suddenly became inspired and much more creative in the ways I related to my friends, family and partner. You can’t control what they will think or do or how they will react to you, but you can learn to manage your own ways of behaving, thinking and feeling to enhance your life and your relationships.

You can find out more about NLP from my Introduction to NLP seminar, if you can’t attend one in person, you can get a recording by downloading from the web or sending for a CD set. It will tell you how to start inducing fantastic and confident emotional states in yourself and others, amplifying those states, understanding your own internal representations of the real world out there, and how that affects your thoughts and behaviour. 

Nicola Walker is an NLP Master Practitioner and Trainer and has a degree in psychology. She runs training courses in NLP and communication skills and is a successful life confidence coach. She is happily married to author and musician Spencer Westwood. You can find more at http://www.nicwalker.com/ and http://www.intro2nlp.com/.

Call us on 07989 404112 or e-mail catalyst@nicwalker.com today.